Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Nemesis: Unhealthy Self

I have always been pretty active and have always loved playing sports. No matter what it is, just let me play and I will be a happy girl. Over the years, I have played everything from softball to basketball, from soccer to flag football, from ultimate frisbee to beach volleyball. I love to play!

However, these activities became less common and my nemesis made itself known. My nemesis: unhealthy self. It first reared it's little head during my last semester of college. My body became weak, the flu set in and turned to pneumonia. After a long time of recouping, I never really seemed to get back to normal. It was a slow increase but the pounds began to add up. Ten pounds turned to 25 which then turned to 55 pounds. That's right, 55 pounds over my comfortable weight. I began to physically see the results of my unhealthy self.

So, I joined a boot camp and in about 7 months, I lost those 55 pesky pounds! I wish this were the end of my journey...but it seems to only be the end of the prelude. My nemesis had not yet been conquered. For the boot camp, I lived by a strict regimen of exercise and very structured eating. At least the next stanza was one of great joy. Ross and I were married that fall. It was a most beautiful day and I was healthy (so I thought) and "lookin' good!" I was able to keep to my regimen and diet for a short time but my unhealthy self was still in there.

Time went by and my strict regimen and structure were not so tight laced anymore. As before, my nemesis started to rear its ugly head yet again. The sleeping dragon was waking...5 pounds turned to 10 to 26 to 38 to 49 and finally to 65. CRAP!!! It is just like I woke up one day and it was all back plus 10. That is how it seemed anyway. I have realized in the last months through wrestling with myself that exercise and upholding a diet will not solely make me healthy. Yes, those things in and of themselves are great and do lead success but I have failed in the past because my unhealthy self made those things loose importance and soon have no priority at all.

What must I do?

I must slay the nemesis....put my unhealthy self to death. It will only keep coming back if I don't take this beast out for good. My journey to conquer this nemesis in my life is not just a goal to lose the weight...I mean to be 65+ pounds lighter would be a nice by-product but it is not the main goal. I need to be changed. However, I need to be changed from the inside out so that the physical actions can be sustained. I have won the battle before but I am losing the war. This change that I speak is not something that comes from me or anything I can do. It is something that has to come from within me that is not me at all. It is the power of Christ and the grace of his redemptive love that can Help me...Change me...Heal me...

Slay ME!

In the end, my nemesis is not food or activity but ME. I long for the day when my desire for comfort and contentment does not come from food or my self-exalting urge to be active but comes from the giver of ALL...Christ Jesus.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  1 Corinthians 1:2-4

1 comment:

  1. You go girl, I am proud of you and I have faith that you can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens you!!!